So Close to Leaving
by grafitti
Summary: Natori wants to touch him. But he can't. Not anymore. No matter how much he loves him. [Established Natori/Natsume. Natsume-is-Gin fic. Before HnMe actually occurs.]


He feels more magical.

That was Natori's first thought. He was different. But his hair hasn't changed, still of a silvery hue. His voice hasn't changed. But he was different.

A pale hand tugged at the strip of cloth between them. His fingers are thin and delicate; pretty, even. One end of the yellow scarf was wrapped around his wrist, and the other end was wrapped around Natori's.

Natsume smiled kindly at Natori, meeting his eyes easily. He was the same as he was before. But he seemed more confident now. A little more lively. His eyes were different. Not green like they used to be, but a palette of silver just a shade darker than his hair.

He could no longer touch him. He couldn't hold his hand or touch his hair. No reassuring hugs. No way to catch him when he falls to the ground. It was bittersweet kind of magic, and it felt to Natori that it was going to bring some sort of end.

.

.

They were in Yatsuhara, deep within the forest. He had a job – this time it was to find and seal a dangerous spirit; one that could kill. Natsume, of course, tagged along, not letting Natori convince him to leave.

He told the boy that it would be dangerous. That he didn't want to lose him. Like always, Natsume assured him that he would be fine, and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. Like always, Natori gave in, and let him tag along.

The forest was greener than he'd ever seen it before; a deep, dark green, like Natsume's eyes. And like his eyes, Natori found himself lost in that green. It hid things well. Natsume's eyes hid secrets, emotions, thoughts, while the forest hid monsters, dangers, and things that would lurk behind you.

They never should have split up to search. But they did.

Natori didn't realize this until he heard Natsume scream. The youkai had found him first.

.

.

"Natori-san, let's go look over there!" said Natsume. "They have some nice looking masks."

Smiling softly, Natori followed him, his hand gripping the yellow scarf that held his wrist. The silver-haired boy guided him through the stalls, through the various youkai patrons at the festival. It felt strange, to be in the same space as so many youkai, ones that acted like they were human.

Did it mean that Natsume was also acting as a human now?

Unaware of the blonde's thoughts, Natsume kneeled, bringing the man down with him. Hands picked at the masks on display. Noh masks. Tengu masks. Cat masks. Ogre masks. A stopped at the fox mask.

"On TV, fox spirits like to wear masks a lot," the boy held the mask above his head, as if seeing it's silhouette from the light above would change it, "but I've never seen one wear a mask in real life."

"I suppose it's because they already have their own face." Natori replied softly, his mouth going only as close to the other's ear as he would dare, quickly backing away when the boy turns his head towards him. "And I suppose that they won't want something to show that they are youkai – they are, after all, fox spirits."

.

.

His body was still as a rock. Cold as stone. But he was alive, and that was all that mattered.

Natori kneeled by the boy, hunched over his slight frame, hands on either side of his head. One hand caressed his cheek.

Madara looked solemnly upon his charge.

"He won't last much longer." It was true. Natsume's breathing was shallow, almost as if it wasn't even there. His eyes refused to open. His skin pale, and his limbs limp. Almost like a ghost.

Natori tossed a rock at the white beast curled around the two humans.

"How could you say that?" He yelled, full of passion and emotion. "He's going to live, I know it! Just wait until Hiiragi gets back with Yamagami-sama, he can do something about this."

Madara only sighed, hot breath flaring from his nostrils. Slowly, gently, he laid his head down next to Natsume's, nudging the boy ever so slightly to know that he was still there. No tears escaped. Not like Natori, who cried profusely.

"Natori, I have arrived." A young woman's voice called. "I have arrived with Yamagami-sama."

The mountain god was a tall figure. His body is covered by a white robe. His face covered by a large mask. His clothes shared almost the same essence as a tree, whose branches and leaves trailed behind him and draped over him like a shawl.

"So this is Natsume." His voice echoed deeply. "It is a shame that the first I see him, he is in such a state."

"Can you heal him?" Natori begged. "Please, I'll do anything; just save him."

The mountain god knelt down, soft grass growing around him where he sat. Slowly, solemnly, he shook his head as he lowered it to be closer to Natsume. Natori tried his best to control his sobs. What else was there now, if Natsume couldn't be healed?

"But I can help him in another way." murmured Yamagami-sama as he placed a hand over Natsume's face.

.

.

Natsume held the mask in his hands, staring at his wide black eyes. It's emotionless smile.

"No one would be able to guess that I am a youkai now." Natsume whispered, placing the mask over his face. "And no one would know that I am still human. I am something in-between, aren't I, Natori?"

He couldn't deny it. He couldn't say no. He couldn't say that he was still human, because he wasn't. Not anymore. Natsume turned away from him when he didn't answer, tugging at the yellow scarf to make the man stand up with him. Together, they walked back toward the entrance of the festival, ready to leave it behind. Glancing over, Natori caught Natsume looking at him. The boy took off his mask, and smiled, although it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"The lizard looks like a necklace on you," he chuckles softly, reaching out to touch Natori's neck, but he stops himself. He retracted his hand, remembering his condition. "Yamagami-sama said that I can never be with humans again. It would be much too painful, seeing them age. Not being able to touch them."

"I will always be with you, Natsume." Not even Natori believed it, but that was okay. Both of them were okay with pretending for now.

Natori took hold of the mask and slipped it back onto Natsume's face. He lifted his arm and pulled at the scarf with the other, forcing the boy to come closer, but not too close. Carefully, he placed a kiss on the top of his mask. If this was the only way to be with Natsume, then he wanted this moment to last forever. When Natori pulled back, Natsume leaned in, and bumped the mouth of his mask to Natori's.

"And I will always be here." Natsume whispered.

.

.

Madara waited at the gate in his cat form, clearly grumpy from waiting for his charge.

"What took you so long? Just because you're tied to dead weight doesn't mean that you can make me weight for twenty more minutes!" Madara scolded him, but he didn't mean it.

"Ah, sorry, sorry." Natsume placated him, one hand raised. Reluctantly, he untied the scarf around his wrist, leaving Natori to untie the part wrapped around his own wrist. Carefully, the blonde man placed the scarf in Natsume's hands, careful not to brush his skin, however much he wanted to do just that. It was a delicate, fragile type of magic; much too easily blown away to allow Natsume to partake in the kind of human contact that he needed.

Madara leapt into Natsume's arms, clearly attempting to share a sort of human warmth with him to compensate for his loss. He glared over the boy's shoulder at Natori as they started to move, more out of habit than of dislike. Natori felt that he and the cat would never truly be on good terms.

He could see Natsume's blue yukata become smaller and smaller as he watched them continue down the path. The darkness obscured him as they became farther away. As Natori watched the boy disappear into the forest, his heart tore to pieces because he knew that eventually, one of them was going to leave forever.

.

.

A/N:

Whew! I've never written something like this before, so I hope it broke your heart.

Orginally, it was supposed to be third person limited for Madara instead of Natori, with Madara observing Natsume in his new environment among the spirits, and disapproving, knowing that it was the way for Natsume to live. But I kind of forgot about that and I found a picture of Natori and Natsume-as-Gin at a festival where Natori kisses his mask (like how Gin does in his own story. Ha!) I thought it was cute, so I changed it up for this instead.

I may or may not continue this. Not a full-out story, of course, but other chapters that expand on the story? Eh, it's a possibility but I'm not sure.


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